“FITZWILLIAMDARCY”
IfElizabeth,whenMr.Darcygavehertheletter,didnotexpectittocontainarenewalofhisoffers,shehadformednoexpectationatallofitscontents.Butsuchastheywere,itmaywellbesupposedhoweagerlyshewentthroughthem,andwhatacontrarietyofemotiontheyexcited.Herfeelingsasshereadwerescarcelytobedefined.Withamazementdidshefirstunderstandthathebelievedanyapologytobeinhispower;andsteadfastlywasshepersuaded,thathecouldhavenoexplanationtogive,whichajustsenseofshamewouldnotconceal.Withastrongprejudiceagainsteverythinghemightsay,shebeganhisaccountofwhathadhappenedatNetherfield.Shereadwithaneagernesswhichhardlyleftherpowerofcomprehension,andfromimpatienceofknowingwhatthenextsentencemightbring,wasincapableofattendingtothesenseoftheonebeforehereyes.Hisbeliefofhersister’sinsensibilitysheinstantlyresolvedtobefalse;andhisaccountofthereal,theworstobjectionstothematch,madehertooangrytohaveanywishofdoinghimjustice.Heexpressednoregretforwhathehaddonewhichsatisfiedher;hisstylewasnotpenitent,buthaughty.Itwasallprideandinsolence.
ButwhenthissubjectwassucceededbyhisaccountofMr.Wickham—whenshereadwithsomewhatclearerattentionarelationofeventswhich,iftrue,mustoverthroweverycherishedopinionofhisworth,andwhichboresoalarminganaffinitytohisownhistoryofhimself—herfeelingswereyetmoreacutelypainfulandmoredifficultofdefinition.Astonishment,apprehension,andevenhorror,oppressedher.Shewishedtodiscredititentirely,repeatedlyexclaiming,“Thismustbefalse!Thiscannotbe!Thismustbethegrossestfalsehood!”—andwhenshehadgonethroughthewholeletter,thoughscarcelyknowinganythingofthelastpageortwo,putithastilyaway,protestingthatshewouldnotregardit,thatshewouldneverlookinitagain.
Inthisperturbedstateofmind,withthoughtsthatcouldrestonnothing,shewalkedon;butitwouldnotdo;inhalfaminutetheletterwasunfoldedagain,andcollectingherselfaswellasshecould,sheagainbeganthemortifyingperusalofallthatrelatedtoWickham,andcommandedherselfsofarastoexaminethemeaningofeverysentence.TheaccountofhisconnectionwiththePemberleyfamilywasexactlywhathehadrelatedhimself;andthekindnessofthelateMr.Darcy,thoughshehadnotbeforeknownitsextent,agreedequallywellwithhisownwords.Sofareachrecitalconfirmedtheother;butwhenshecametothewill,thedifferencewasgreat.WhatWickhamhadsaidofthelivingwasfreshinhermemory,andassherecalledhisverywords,itwasimpossiblenottofeelthattherewasgrossduplicityononesideortheother;and,forafewmoments,sheflatteredherselfthatherwishesdidnoterr.Butwhenshereadandre-readwiththeclosestattention,theparticularsimmediatelyfollowingofWickhamsresigningallpretensionstotheliving,ofhisreceivinginlieusoconsiderableasumasthreethousandpounds,againwassheforcedtohesitate.Sheputdowntheletter,weighedeverycircumstancewithwhatshemeanttobeimpartiality—deliberatedontheprobabilityofeachstatement—butwithlittlesuccess.Onbothsidesitwasonlyassertion.Againshereadon;buteverylineprovedmoreclearlythattheaffair,whichshehadbelieveditimpossiblethatanycontrivancecouldsorepresentastorenderMr.Darcysconductinitlessthaninfamous,wascapableofaturnwhichmustmakehimentirelyblamelessthroughoutthewhole.
TheextravaganceandgeneralprofligacywhichhescruplednottolayatMr.Wickhamscharge,exceedinglyshockedher;themoreso,asshecouldbringnoproofofitsinjustice.Shehadneverheardofhimbeforehisentranceintothe—shireMilitia,inwhichhehadengagedatthepersuasionoftheyoungmanwho,onmeetinghimaccidentallyintown,hadthererenewedaslightacquaintance.OfhisformerwayoflifenothinghadbeenknowninHertfordshirebutwhathetoldhimself.Astohisrealcharacter,hadinformationbeeninherpower,shehadneverfeltawishofinquiring.Hiscountenance,voice,andmannerhadestablishedhimatonceinthepossessionofeveryvirtue.Shetriedtorecollectsomeinstanceofgoodness,somedistinguishedtraitofintegrityorbenevolence,thatmightrescuehimfromtheattacksofMr.Darcy;oratleast,bythepredominanceofvirtue,atoneforthosecasualerrorsunderwhichshewouldendeavourtoclasswhatMr.Darcyhaddescribedastheidlenessandviceofmanyyearscontinuance.Butnosuchrecollectionbefriendedher.Shecouldseehiminstantlybeforeher,ineverycharmofairandaddress;butshecouldremembernomoresubstantialgoodthanthegeneralapprobationoftheneighbourhood,andtheregardwhichhissocialpowershadgainedhiminthemess.Afterpausingonthispointaconsiderablewhile,sheoncemorecontinuedtoread.But,alas!thestorywhichfollowed,ofhisdesignsonMissDarcy,receivedsomeconfirmationfromwhathadpassedbetweenColonelFitzwilliamandherselfonlythemorningbefore;andatlastshewasreferredforthetruthofeveryparticulartoColonelFitzwilliamhimself—fromwhomshehadpreviouslyreceivedtheinformationofhisnearconcerninallhiscousinsaffairs,andwhosecharactershehadnoreasontoquestion.Atonetimeshehadalmostresolvedonapplyingtohim,buttheideawascheckedbytheawkwardnessoftheapplication,andatlengthwhollybanishedbytheconvictionthatMr.Darcywouldneverhavehazardedsuchaproposal,ifhehadnotbeenwellassuredofhiscousinscorroboration.
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